Mommy Stalker

I am not ashamed to admit it, I am a stalker.

I stalk mommies. Mainly at parks. I look for the ones with children about the same age as mine. I like the moms that are involved and actually paying attention to their kids, not just yelling from the sidelines.  Any age or nationality, it doesn't matter to me. Even tasteful tattoos or small extraneous piercings are fine.  Although, I usually don't make too much effort on those with long neon fingernails, wearing heels, copious amounts of makeup or jewelry. It's easier to make an introduction if our kids start playing together or near each other but a power-struggle or small altercation works just as well. Of course, complimenting their kid's cute outfit certainly can get your foot in the door.

The last thing on my mind during my daughter's whirlwind arrival was acquiring a support network. I had absolutely no idea how invaluable it would become to my survival as a surprise parent or what wonderful friends I would meet.

Fortunately, a new-mommy neighbor's small, thoughtful gesture would save me before I even realized I would need rescue. We crossed paths one day and both were shocked the other now had a baby. I didn't know she was expecting and of course our child was a total surprise. We joked about it and went our separate ways. Later, I found a note in my door. She had noticed I was carrying a Kaiser diaper bag and invited me to the Kaiser mommy group she attended. Funny thing is, I got the diaper bag from my sister-in-law. We also had Kaiser insurance but the baby was not on the policy so I didn't make the connection. I don't know how long it would have taken me to figure out I needed a mommy group or that I could attend one provided by my own health insurance.

All we had for the baby was what I brought back with her on the plane from Colorado. Our sole focus was tending to the needs of a 6 month-old we hardly knew. Diapers, check. Bottles, check. Formula, check. Mental health support for parents, not checked. Thankfully, through the support group, I met most of my current mommy friends. I am exceedingly grateful for their friendship, commiseration, advice and encouragement. It has also been wonderful to see our children growing up together and developing their own attachments.

My daughter climbed and walked early, about 4 months after she came to us. We were now playing at the park often. I wanted to expand my circle of mommy friends and I especially wanted L to have a little girl her own age to play with. This led to the stalking.

One day, I was driving away from the park and across a large field I noticed a little girl, wobbling around in the grass, about the same size as my daughter. I promptly pulled over and ran across the field with my baby in tow. I was sweating, out of breath and surely seemed a little insane, "Excuse me, hey there, hi, I noticed you have a daughter like me!" The woman was young, mid-20's, and few months pregnant. She seemed somewhat startled but was friendly. The babies toddled around together for a bit, we chatted and exchanged phone numbers.  We texted several times but our schedules never seemed to match up for playdates. I am sure my first impression did not help facilitate another meeting.

However, I didn't give up. The mommy friends and their families that we spend the most time with now, I initially met at the park. And the neighbor I mentioned before, we are friends to this day. Weekly playdates and the rare mommies-only night out have now replaced the group meetings and have helped me get through the challenging times and celebrate the good times.

I am still on the prowl, though. I don't think I could ever have too many mommy friends!