First off, I don't believe in Fate. I believe in consequences. I don't believe I now have children because I was destined to. I believe that I am raising someone elses' kids because they made stupid life choices. I am reaping the consequences of their actions.
That being said, at first, I did try to rationalize the eventuality, especially when people would say, "Oh, it was meant to be". I know they were just being thoughtful. I didn't want to be rude and reply, "What? I have tried to make good decisions all my life only to be saddled with the consequences of someone else's bad choices?". Instead I would say, "Yeah, things just fell into place and everything seemed to fit."
Things did seem to fit.
The life decisions my husband and I had made seemed to align perfectly with the unexpected arrival of a child needing a home. He had just started a well-paying new job. I had transitioned from a high-intensity job assisting child psychiatrists to a job as a bike courier/office assistant. My new schedule allowed me to go to school at night. I was considering becoming a dietitian. My husband's new salary supported us well when my hours were decreased at my courier job. Now I could focus on school. We had downsized from a house to an apartment with the goal of traveling more. We were taking little trips, especially to the coast. We had more free time, less responsibility and more money. Finally we were going to start our real lives.
Things were looking up!
My phone rang. "[Sis], this is D. We not gonna be able to get the baby back. Can you take her?".
It was Fourth of July weekend 2009 and by August 8th, we were parents.
I hoped for a pretty wrapped gift. But realize reading this that it would have to be opened at some point .. And rarely is it neat. With some families gifts are ripped open .. Even apart.
ReplyDeleteWow, a little over a month to change your whole mindset and rearrange your life. That's tough! I don't know if I ever told you, but Frank and I were basically offered a child for adoption once. We had been trying to conceive for a while and were even considering adoption, but we would have had only a few weeks to prepare to adopt a child from a different state. We had four hours to decide if we were interested. I think I cried for 3 of the 4 hours. I remember telling Frank that I take longer than that to plan a weekend getaway. I felt totally overwhelmed at the idea of preparing for a child in such a short amount of time.
ReplyDeleteAnd, for what it's worth, I don't believe in fate either. I'm totally with you -- you're a parent because of someone else's bad choices and your own selfless choice.
ReplyDelete@gRoveSt, well said.
ReplyDelete@Danae, wow! I don't remember talking with you about that. Comforting to know someone else understands those feelings.